I am writing these past few posts in hopes that I can look back on them a few weeks, months, or even years from now and go WOW...things got better and it really did turn out okay. I know I said on here before that I wasn't going to go into what my surgery involved; but I will say it was emergency surgery, it had to be done, and that it was painful both physically and emotionally.
I feel selfish and sometimes stupid for struggling with my emotions to the extent that I have, but the Mr. and I had been trying for months to achieve what we did, and when it finally happened it felt like it was snatched away before we even really had gotten used to the idea and the excitement. I feel like a horrible, awful, no-good person when I see people out and about w/ beautiful little babies or those moms-to-be that are so excited; and well, I just can't bring myself to be excited for them...I wish it was us. I pray it will be us. In Church this morning I prayed again that God will continually heal my heart and the Mr.'s and that we will again be blessed. I continually pray to remember that everything happens for a reason and that there is a purpose, time, and place for everything.
Sorry if this is depressing or randomly rambling, but it's helping me right now...
XO-T
Aww Tarin, my heart is breaking for you right now, I can't even imagine what you're going through both emotionally and physically but I do know you're handling things so much better than I could! My heart is so heavy for you and your family. Tarin, you have many prayer warriors out there praying, including myself. And you have every right to vent on your blog; this is your blog and you're able to get out any frustration you want, this is your platform and you can use it any way you desire, so please don't feel guilty for doing so. Lord knows I've vented hundreds of my frustrations as I've battled crohns disease throughout the years.
ReplyDeleteThanks :) It gets a little bit easier every day to deal w/ the emotional side, but I'm just anxious to hear what else the doctor has to tell us which we will find out this Thursday. Thank you SO much for the prayers...Hope everything is well with you and your family this Christmas!!
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